I don't know where to go, I just know that I want to go somewhere.

         This post is going to be confounding, circular, and abstract, so please try to bear with me. Last May graduated from college. The following summer I saved my money, and in the winter travelled through Europe. Now the sun has set on those days. I'm okay with that. I loved being a student, it was the perfect blend of responsibility and freedom. I worked hard and graduated cum laude and wrote a Honors Thesis that was awarded Highest Honors. I saved my money and treated myself to a trip through Europe. In 50 days I travelled to 9 countries, visited 15 cities, made friends, had experiences, fell in love, missed opportunities, received unexpected rewards and moments and made countless memories for life. I learned about my self and the world around me. I saw things that before had only existed in movies and in books and in paintings. I have a college degree from a respectable American university and I have been to places that most people have only dreamed of going to and had experiences that only exist in literature. The last chapter of my life was great. But those days are now yesterdays, and I am completely okay with that. I understand that chapters end and that new chapters begin. 

My only problem is, I want the next chapter to begin. On a deeper level, I want to be able to tell if the next chapter has begun. I'm sleeping in the same room I've slept in since 1993, I'm doing the same job I was doing when I was 14, I'm hanging out with the same kids I hung out with in high school. And I feel like I have not grown.  I feel that I've just gone in a circle and not started along a path. I want to start a path but I don't know what path to take. I'm okay with that as well, I know that I'll take a few paths and hopefully blaze one or two of my own before I find one that I want to stay on for a while. What I'm not okay with is that I'm not on any path at all.  The sun has set on my yesterdays. But I'm waiting for it to rise on my tomorrows. 

I have found ways to occupy my time. I've been doing volunteer work helping prisoners write better. I've read a lot of books that I've wanted to for a long time. I (tacitly) started learning french and am trying (with little success) to play the guitar. I have sent out my CV and applied to jobs but I haven't heard anything back. Not hearing anything is worse than rejection. It's hard not to let the thought that one is not even worthy of acknowledgment seep into the cracks of one's psyche. I have only been at this for a little over two months, and I have a way to support myself and a way to contribute back to society, and I have a backup plan. If I don't have a job by the winter, then screw it I'm going back to Europe. At least I won't have to hear about Jodi Arias. Seriously CNN please talk about something else. 

A Plea for Composure

I'm sitting on a couch in a living room watching television in my home. On the surface this is no different from what I've done a thousand times on a thousand nights before and what I will do a thousand times hereafter. This night, however, is different, it's November 6th, 2012, election night. And because it's election night, that warrants an amendment to my initial sentence. I'm an American sitting on an American couch in an American living room watching an American television in my American home. Perhaps I overdid it on the "American"s. Then again, maybe that's the point I'm trying to make. During election cycles, particularly in presidential elections, I notice an excessive amount of just about everything, but most notably, an excess of enthusiasm. Now I'm not trying to say that people should not be active in the democratic process nor am I deriding those who view it as the emotional experience that it is. I am merely saying that America as a society is particularly susceptible to overreaction. 

    No matter who wins there will be people who overreact. Some will gasp in horror at the unfathomable turn of events that has culminated in this moment. Others will shriek in exultation because their hero has prevailed and therefore all evil will be expunged from the land. When our candidate wins it means that the economy will go up, our military will be unbeatable, evildoers will be punished, gas will go down, and chocolate rivers will runs through through the backyards of our candy houses. On the other hand if our candidate loses it signifies the beginning of the apocalypse and society will crumble. 

    The truth is that not much will change no matter who wins. In fact when one studies the positions of the candidates and the issues that they hold dear, there's is not much difference between them. The President of the United States is not a totalitarian dictator with absolute power over the state and government. We have branches of government specifically to prevent such concentration of power. Yet we still hold to the belief that the President is the leader of America. This is evidenced by the fact that the office receives a disproportionate amount of credit for when things go well as well as blame for when things go wrong. I'm not sure what this says about the intellectual capacity of American society as we tend to do this in so many areas. 

    One such example is sports, especially team sports. We see the same disparity in blame and credit. Take football for instance, when a team is successful fans and analysts tend to single out a few standout players and oftentimes the head coach for praise, and for the inverse, when a team is performing poorly, there are calls for the coach's head. this could be attributed to marketing. It's hard to put an entire team on a poster, or have a commercial featuring the entire team. How would we shout in unison the entire roster? We wouldn't. Same goes for politics. How could a candidate hold a rally where everyone shouts praise for the Government Services Agency? Or imagine the inverse of a protest in which people burn images of non-descript government buildings? It all seems somewhat anti-climactic, there's no drama. 

    The mass of men yearn for simplicity in their drama. It's easier and neater to consolidate all of our praise and and displeasure in concentrated and directed beams. And in a way this also makes it easier for those other people. The offensive lines of the government don't have to worry about people's opinions of their job performance and therefore are able to just focus on their jobs. Americans exaggerate. That's what we do. We are the greatest country in the history of countries or histories after all. And if we were to actually be reasonable and rational and assign blame or praise proportionately on all of those who deserve it, our government would probably cease to function as a whole because no one in government would want to stay in it. That being said, no matter who wins this election, the world will not end, nor will it represent the emergence of a halcyon period in world history. The Earth will continue to spin and will continue to be a messed up and beautiful place.  

The Political Stage

Politicians: n. a person who is afflicted with ambition while lacking character.
     It's time for the quadrennial celebration of American politics and all that it stands for. (Disclaimer: I am aware of the cliche of the blogger who is complaining about politics and to that let me just say that this blogger has yet to fulfill that requirement so just bear with me. Or don't, because this is America, the choice is yours) Day after day, hour after hour, we are bombarded with falsities, misrepresentations, skewed data, and biased judgements. Every election cycle sees increased amounts of money going to finance campaigns and they are starting earlier every cycle. It seems that elections bring out the worst in America, cynicism, disillusionment, avarice, ignorance, anger, what have you. Candidates stand for hours speaking while never saying what they stand for. They are not making a case for their qualifications for the office they seek so much as they engage in sycophantic behavior to gain the approval of the most voters they can. This is simply the way it is in our electoral process. Every candidate is the messiah and every opponent is the anti-Christ. This is the role they are meant to play in the stories they are writing for themselves. For instance, no matter what one can not attribute success to one's opponent. One can agree publicly even in the areas in which they might agree with their opponent as this does not follow the archetype established in our minds. And I attribute this pattern to our childhoods.  
     When you're a kid all of the stories you read are simple and black and white.  They have to follow the hero/villain archetype established thousands of years ago in stories like Beowulf. There's the hero and it's clear who the hero is. And since we know who the hero is, his opponent is obviously the villain. Why else would that person be opposing the hero if not for the fact that he is evil? And indeed this thinking makes a lot of sense as it carries into our society. Ours is an adversarial and competitive one. Winners and losers are what define our heroes.  Look at sports for example. Die hard fans vehemently support their teams and one way in which they show their support is to despise and demonized the opposing team. Just as politicians and their supporters do. My team/candidate/view is righteous and good, so the opposing team/candidate/view must be wrong. Politicians and their advisers understand this and behave accordingly as they make themselves out to be the hero to their supporters and heroes need villains.      Now on some level I can understand their desire to be/stay in political office. It's a very kush gig. A six figure salary plus awesome benefits are what most working class citizens aspire to achieve. Not to mention all of the fringe benefits that come with political privilege. I should also mention that there are some people in governance who seek political office because they genuinely give a damn. And while these people are rare and their convictions and passion are tested daily, not all succumb to cynicism and temptation. There are leaders in our Congress. The difference between a leader and a politician is simple but it is also very subtle. A politician is willing to do whatever it takes to keep his job, whereas a leader is willing to do his job. The same applies to voters, the readers of the stories. An informed voter bases their decision on more than which candidate is most like them. But this thinking is appealing because if ones hero is like them than one must have heroic qualities. And it's this sort or facile cognition that poses a challenge to a healthy democracy in which ideas and problems are identified and addressed with rationality and compassion. Now I am aware that this could be very easily dismissed as nothing more than the nonsensical ramblings of some blogger. And to a certain extent one would be justified in disagreeing with me. If one were to completely dismiss my ideas purely because they do not agree with their own, than you missed the point. I am trying merely to engage your critical and analytic abilities in a political context which I hope you would then apply to the election. Be your own hero.

Inaugural Post

Welcome to the first post of my blog, The Red Mud. This will be a forum of discussion and expression of all manner of things that catch my eye and piqué my interest. Who am I? why should my opinions matter? Valid questions that I will answer thusly. I am a college educated person with an internet connected device. And in this day and age, that means that I have a voice and the opportunity to express my opinion in a public forum, thereby joining the discussion. The topics covered will be limited to the thoughts that occur within the parameters of my mind, which range from the permeability of public memory to the merits of chocolate covered gummy bears. Or thoughts such as the observation that is responsible for the title to this blog.  It was last week. I had to go up to Rutgers University to see a man about a horse. After my meeting I decided to go see some of my professors whom I had not seen since I had graduated last may. I hopped on a F bus at college avenue just as I had done a million times before on a million different days for a million different reasons. I immediately settled back into my old ways when I used to ride these buses as a student. As the bus creeped along Route 18 towards the Cook/Douglass campus I looked around the bus. Observed the people. You could always tell who was going to class and who was coming from class. Some were reading. Most were listening to music. Surprisingly few were talking. This is not what caught my interest however. My eyes were drawn down. To the floor to what looked like dried blood.  I saw it in smudged streaks and in smudged footprints all over the floor of the bus. All of a sudden, this sight elicited such a sense of familiarity and nostalgia that I once again truly felt like I was a student on my way to class. This kids sitting next to me were my compatriots. We were on the same plane. No longer was I a visitor I was a resident once again. All because of this red mud. And anyone who has been to Rutgers knows of this red mud, which makes its appearance after mostly after it rains. The red mud follows the rain at Rutgers as sure as moon follows the sun. Turns out this red mud is an example of continental drift. The red mud is also seen in Morocco, which was connected to northern New Jersey eons ago, and this is why the soil composition is somewhat distinctive and extraneous to this region of the state.  This got me thinking, if one were to write about Rutgers, they would have to include the red mud in some way. It would be a reference that would only be picked up by those who are familiar with Rutgers yes, but it would lend the story an air of credibility and authenticity, and therefore make it good. Ultimately this is true of all stories. All stories need the red mud. Some aspect that assures the reader that the writing is coming from some place real. It does not necessarily have to be a physical detail, such as the red mud, it could be word or phrase, an attitude, an emotion, whatever. David Simon was able to write authentically about Baltimore because he lived in Baltimore. Bret Easton Ellis was able to write about the American dream because he lived it. Taxi Driver so aptly captured the crippling and maddening isolation that can come of living in a city because it was written by someone who felt that isolation and madness while living in the city. Basically what I am trying to say is that the difference between an actual story and just plain bullshit is authenticity. Write what you know. That is what I will bring with this blog. I will write what I know. Whatever that may be.